The day before I almost died.

https://bit.ly/2mcfk1f

I think that I was always going to go through something major in my life. It seemed to be inevitable.  I was a depressed person and I was spiraling down deeper a d deeper.  I know that I should have tried harder in my classes and I should have done everything that was expected of me, but I could not see it for myself.   I felt as though the dreams that I had for myself and my future were never to become a reality.

I know that day was important and probably helped create the person I am today, but the day before is just as important. It was just a day like any other. I abandoned my dream of making a life for myself.  It just all seemed unattainable.  I was smart enough to know what to do, but not mentally strong enough to do it. I let my fears and my thoughts overwhelm everything in my life.  I turned to pills in the end.   I didn't commit suicide, only tried to escape the pain of my failings. I only had to give up for a second in order for things to unfold the way they did. My car wreck was only one of many outcomes that could have happened. I believe that this was actually meant to be a catalyst for change, but change has to be desired.  I had no desire, period.

If you think this will end well, then you are mistaken. I am not finished, but there is one thing we all know that no one ever speaks. We never get out of this alive.

On a happy note, I am now trying to change my life for the better.  You can change, if you want, but you have to try to change.